Loneliness at its best

One of my biggest fears in life has always been loneliness. I think it is a sequel of having been an only child for 5 years but that is another story.

However, recently, I’ve been experiencing loneliness in a different angle. “Face your fears and live your dreams” – the saying goes and maybe unconsciously, this is what I’m trying to do.

Anyway, I’ve found an unexpected inner peace in spending some time alone, with only myself as companion. Silence becomes the best soothing music and my mind finds itself free to let go.

It’s as if loneliness has transformed itself as a gateway to freedom. A special time of reflection, where I can actually review myself – a self audit 😛 . “What can I do to make my life better? How do I plan future things? What are my priorities now? What direction should I take? How can I become a better person?” It’s mostly putting myself in perspective, like taking a step back to envisage where I’ve come and where do I go now.

I mentioned a gateway to freedom because it is also a gift for imaginative minds. Time on your own allows you to dive freely into that pool of thoughts and immerse completely, traveling very far – real escapism! Then of course, you need to have control on the mind, not to lose the grasp about what’s reality and what’s imaginary.

Being alone also allows me to discover and observe life and things around me in a different light. Then only do I see those details that give sense to the big picture. It’s a bit like contemplating a huge puzzle and finding out which piece fits where…

Loneliness is therefore becoming a kind of refuge,where I can find myself. It brings comfort in a way, whereby after hectic days, you finally find some time of your own to focus about you. It is not being self centered but mostly to auto evaluate yourself and also to withdraw from this ‘oh so busy’ world to find some peace and refresh your mind.

The game of flirt

It’s been quite a while now since I’ve been observing this. It’s that game they call flirt, that exciting and enticing part of a relationship – no matter its degree of seriousness.

I found myself finally identifying a similar trend even if the personality differs from one guy to another. However, very quickly the shine and glitz of it all faded. It dawned very soon – the game has no end nor a beginning. You only feel as a prey in the end.

Who’s real and who’s fake, it’s all a matter of perception. How far you want to get involved or being fooled also depends on you. It’s all a game of strategies and moves. At times it’s fun, at times too cliché to appreciate or at times too nonsensical to accept.

It also gets more complex when you are told not to be able to understand their feelings. Quite contradictory I’d say because they themselves were looking for some fun time. Then where have feelings come from? And since when is it you who’s the one without sentiments??? It then becomes clear – you are not being treated as insensitive, you’re just being treated as an acquaintance who isn’t that close to understand their problems.

Yet, I won’t say I didn’t enjoy it. Let’s face the truth, who doesn’t like some nice good flirt in life? Specially when being single. However, when you wake up one day and think it over, you wonder who finally can you hold on to? When all the fun talks are over, when you’ve said goodbye, who is left there to actually share your life with? It’s even more deceiving when you find out that those you thought were close and real have no more intentions than some frolicking too.

Things I think get a bit worse if sex gets involved, but this is another level I’ll let others testify. My venture in this limits itself to the virtual world.

Then maybe too much of something kills the interest or maybe there comes a phase in life where all this matters less than having someone real, sincere and permanent.

Anyway the human mind and heart is quite fickle. Today it might wish for a long term relationship and tomorrow get tired of it and wish for some momentary happiness.

In the end, it’s up to you to figure out what you want. This game is sure not for fools!

P.S: For those who think the list of observations has been very long, well rest assured it wasn’t but even for this few, the similarities are very obvious 😉 And no regrets or grudge held against anyone.

Alone in a … crowd

Someone on my Facebook friends’ list once put up a status asking whether “you’ve ever felt alone in a crowd”. To that, I’ve found my answer today.

Yes, I do. I can’t say if it is only recently that I feel so but it sure does feel lonely in a crowd of unknown or at times known people. However, I’d prefer this than to feel alone on my own in isolation. It didn’t really bother me. I felt like an observer.

The loneliness had some attracting factor to it. I could enjoy some peace of mind while having people buzzing around – all busy with their Saturday chores. It felt like I had put on pause while others were still on play. It was a living picture of life displaying in front of me.

I smiled alone at this sight and at my own feelings. Strange enough it felt like a very resourceful moment. It was relaxing and comforting. Maybe because humans are gregarious in nature. The very presence of other persons is reassuring even if none of them is an acquaintance.  It has been quite an interesting experience. A different look on the world around me, I could sense life in a different light – a wishful sensation of being alive!

What’s the fuss about the New Year?

Last week end, the whole world was celebrating a brand new year, or at least experiencing its arrival. As the clock hit midnight and the Mauritian sky brightened up with fireworks, I experienced that same feeling of exhilaration I always do on that occasion.

At that very moment, the thought came to me that the arrival of a new year has always had so much importance to us not only due to its mediatisation and commercialisation but also because it comes as a promise of renewal of those twelve months. Some would see it as the endless cycle of life, repeating itself each year. Yet, as the sound of firecrackers roared around me that night, I felt renewed, just like the year.

When a year starts anew, we all most certainly feel like a new beginning. There’s a strong urge for planning, setting out dreams and aspirations and hoping that the 365 days waiting ahead will bring lots of opportunities to realise those. It’s just like we would be given a blank sheet  of paper and be free to fill it in whatever way we want.

So, that’s the fuss about the new year! It’s not only an occasion for festivities but also the chance to live it up again. A gift to appreciate and use thoroughly to make our dreams a reality. I therefore seize the occasion to wish you all a very special 2011. Keep going, don’t lose hope, life’s path sure has obstacles but overcoming them proves how we are persevering and so much ALIVE !!!

My Toy Story

Watching Toy Story 3 really brought back old memories of childhood! It’s so incredible how at that time, anything could turn into a spaceship, a car or a castle and more!

Whenever I think of my playing days, I always wish I could revive in me that imagination. But it is never the same…

You might very well remember how the old tree in the yard used to be a big, gigantic castle tower but no matter how hard you try to imagine it as such today, it will only appear as an old tree.

I remember how my sister would put wax crayon dust in a little tube-like recipient and add water to it. As you would shake it, the dust flakes would swirl around and we would pretend they are fish in a bowl. Needless to say that our “aquarium” had different coloured fish and it was like one of the most amazing thing we played with. Today, the idea makes us smile and laugh but oh how wonderful it was then…

With one piece of chalk we would mark out the ground, making parking lots or lanes. Then we would follow those marks with our bicycle/tricycle.

As most little girls, I was also very fond of playing teacher. So, all my toys – teddy bears and dolls – were my students. Mind you, each of them had paper and pencil! If anyone had been naughty, they’d be sent to the corner of the class or directly outside.

I also remember how I used to have loads of fun playing with my cousin with his little toy soldiers and animals. We would bring aaall his toys in his living room  – plush, animal farm, toy soldiers and red Indians – and we would play the whole day, each toy having its own character in the game.

There are lots of such memories coming back in my mind as I’m writing this post. Childhood was and is truly the best part of our life. We had no limits, no barriers and no frontiers. I wish every kid in the world to have their own toy story to cherish later on when they grow up. May those who are being deprived of such beautiful moments, be saved and protected…

It’s in human nature to break rules…

Ever since man has been on this Earth, he has been establishing rules,regulations,structured systems that are meant to bring some standards or guidelines for others to follow.

However, it has also been in human nature to go against those restrictions – students who’d rather bunk classes, drivers who’d invent new laws on the roads, workers who’d rather rebel against the company’s policy, a lawyer who’d find his client some way to escape from law by manipulating it…

Why is man so fickle? Because the human being is an ever changing organism with a brain that keeps on thinking and that will always find a flaw somewhere in the established system or that’ll shrewdly devise a way to avoid restrictions. In other words, the human mind can never bind itself to rules. It’s inborn for any human being to develop some resistance to any kind of limitations presented to him/her. It’s somewhat some kind of self defense because we all love our freedom.

I don’t believe it’s some flaw in human nature though. Had we been mere receptive puppets, the world would’ve stayed unchanged. The French Revolution, Ghandi’s non-violent fight for independence and more recently Obama’s victory for the United States Presidential Elections (to name a few) – none of these would’ve happened if man hadn’t been of changing and rebellious nature. We all want the best and we all have our limits of tolerance.

When I said rules in my title, I didn’t imply legal rules or any institutional rule in particular, I was pointing out at any type of limitations being put upon humans, may it be man-made or natural. Man has and will always strive for his freedom even if it means going against any authority. At times it might be a huge outrage of anger and frustration, that has been kept for too long, or it might also be some wise thoughts and calculated actions but in the end it would only result in man trying to pull down the walls of restrictions and that’s why there will always be laws and law breakers…

P.S: The accompanying picture is quite evocative of restrictions and freedom both right there so close yet so far 🙂 Enjoy !