SoU

Intoxicated

In General thoughts on November 19, 2011 at 8:48 pm

Those of you who understand creole will find it either iconic that Sou writes about intoxication or maybe ironic. (Sou in creole means being in a drunken state)

Rest assured friends, this intoxication ain’t vicious or obnoxious (or is it?).

I believe it’s the worst of all. Why? Let me first describe what kind of intoxication I’m referring to here. It’s an age old addiction that strikes without warning, that kicks you off so bad, waking up from it becomes very difficult.

It’s that very intoxication that keeps you wide awake. Makes you hyper and in one second makes you desperate. Its such an addiction that wherever you go, your mind is focused on it. Everywhere, every time your thoughts revolve around it.

I believe by now, some might have had a guess at what I’m describing, while others are totally lost. I’m actually discussing about that thing they call love or attraction or infatuation – it still has to be diagnosed in my case.

And if this is the worst intoxication,  it’s because there ain’t any dis-intoxication for that. You might very well try to think of other things, distance yourself or even discourage yourself about pursuing with that endeavour but it’s completely useless.

Someone told me once that the heart is stubborn. I’m literally agreeing to that, after days of fighting between my mind and heart. There ain’t any compromise found yet. It will either kill me or save me. Time only will tell.

Don’t think that it happens to only emotional fools. Oh no! It’s so unpredictable, I’m still wondering how and when it happened.

It’s so intoxicating, it’s making me useless. Ironically, at first, I was not elated by this truth but got totally lost. Lost in a maze of questions, hopes and fears. Yet, I’ve found that accepting it is the best I could do. Making it my strength and reason to feel good every day. Yes, I’m lost in that intoxication but I’m happy it struck me. I’m happy for the different vision of life it brings me. Though I haven’t figured out how this will evolve, I’m trying an age old cure to that : patience. Hoping this intoxication doesn’t make me weak and desperate again…

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